Bad Fathering from a Good Source

I'm sure that after I post this I will have visits from child welfare experts. You see, I did a bit of bad fathering Saturday...I got my kids to work. The strange thing is, they enjoyed it. They kept asking if they could go work a little bit more. And the only hint of an argument arose because one was getting to work more than the others were.
By now you are probably thinking that this is just another story and that the "work" really wasn't work. So here's what happened on Saturday. It was a normal Saturday morning. The kids were being lazy watching cartoons or Hannah Montana (not ESPN as I've tried to train them to watch). And for some reason that I honestly cannot remember, I thought about the big pile of rocks behind the house. So I called for a huddle on the back porch. I told the kids that I would pay them a nickel for every bucket of rocks they hauled off. I found four smaller buckets and after each large bucket of rocks they hauled off they placed one rock into their small bucket so that we could have an accounting of the work that they did.
For most of the rest of the morning, they took turns filling a bucket and hauling it off. During that time they laughed and played and worked really hard. I was impressed. In fact, I was so impressed that I wanted to reward them for their behavior and their attitude toward working that day.
That afternoon (before happy hour at Sonic had ended) I asked if they were through working. When they assured me that they were through working for the day, I had them put up the shovels and count their rocks. I paid out the money that they earned. Then I told them how proud I was of the way they had worked and as a result I was going to give them more than they earned. Then I took them to Sonic and bought them their favorite drink.
As we were about to pull out of Sonic I told them the spiritual lesson that I had learned from God during my short time on this earth: when I am joyfully obedient to do the things he has asked me to do, He rewards me with more than I have earned. It is because of the love that God has shown to me that I know how to love my children. So my fathering may be bad, but some of the lessons I've learned come from a really good source.
Life as I know it is best when we cheerfully follow God's commands.

Perfectly Alright

I remember my dad coaching my little league team one year. As I recall, he was at the meeting and the team needed a coach. He didn't know a lot about baseball, but he coached us. I think about that a lot while I crouch down in the back yard "coaching" Lori as she learns how to pitch softball. (Other thoughts that go through my head while crouched down like a catcher: "I don't think my leg has ever hurt quite like that before," "gonna have to invent some sort of catcher's seat that will propel my body upwards so that I can stand," "please let her chunk one over the fence so she will have to go get it and I can stand for a minute," and "OK, how do you stand when both legs are asleep?") I don't know exactly how to coach her, but I still know a little bit more than her and can see what she's doing that is making the ball miss the mark.

We work on things together. I try to tell her what I'm seeing and offer ways for her to correct her motions so that she can throw more consistently. I constantly encourage her to keep trying. I've tried to notice when her arm starts to get tired so that I can tell her that she will have to concentrate and focus more - hoping that she'll realize that athletic pursuits are also mental pursuits. And I encourage her some more to keep trying, to have a little bit of patience with herself, to focus on the only pitch that matters - the next one.

Through all of this, Lori thinks the goal is to be perfect. She often gets frustrated when she sails one over the fence or rolls one toward some point between third base and home plate. And she also thinks that I expect her to be perfect with every pitch...because I keep holding the glove in the same spot asking her to pitch to that exact same spot over and over and over.

And somewhere in all of this, I've learned that I'm not the only one doing the coaching and Lori isn't the only one being coached. In that crouched down position watching pitch after pitch hit or miss the mark, God is coaching me. The lesson that He's slowly been teaching me is that He's not looking for perfection. He's looking for effort and attitude. He wants me to improve, but He knows I'll never be perfect. And still, He holds the glove in the same spot and asks me to hit the target over and over and over...

Life as I know it is sometimes learned when the knees hurt and the legs fall asleep and the heart swells with the joy of watching a child learn. God calls us to be his children. And if there's one thing I've learned from being a father, its that I love my children. And God desperately wants us to realize how much he loves us.

Holy Moments

I've learned that the quietness of Sunday mornings can be special when interrupted by a child. This morning it was my youngest, Luke, who quietly walked into the den. I was sitting in silence thinking about the lessons and sermons of the day and straining to hear God's voice over my own thoughts. Luke snuggled up next to me, never saying a word. As the pre-dawn light faintly illuminated the den, I noticed his fingers beating out their own rhythm - following their own pathway to illustrate whatever was happening in his mind.
We continued sitting there for fifteen or twenty minutes - neither of us saying anything. Him snuggled up to me, me watching his hand and thinking of how small it is compared to mine (how large it is compared to the tiny hand it used to be - how small it is compared to what I anticipate it will be one day). I fought back the stinging in my eyes as I continued to watch the rhythm of his ever-growing hand... And I thought about how God looks at me and longs for me to snuggle up beside him in the quiet still of the early morning.
The silence was eventually broken when Luke got up to go get the Nintendo DS. But he came back and sat right beside me and started to play. And I found myself enjoying just sitting there watching him play his game - even though I cared nothing about the game he was playing. And again, I thought about God looking at me and longing for me to sit beside him as I play my games (which may not interest him in the least).
And without my realizing it - I had heard God's voice.
Life as I know it is best when I snuggle up close to God.

Ouch!

Let's be honest - there are times that reading through the Bible is about as exciting as reading a Chinese phone book. Now, I haven't actually attempted to read a Chinese phone book, so maybe this comparison is a little bit unfair - but since the Chinese language uses different symbols, I know that it would not be exciting for me to try to read it.

Recently I have been reading a chronological Bible that is divided up into daily readings. It is called the Daily Bible and was edited and arranged by F. LaGard Smith. For the past month my daily readings have consisted of the laws of Deuteronomy and Leviticus fame, the numbers of Numbers fame, and most recently the physical description of the borders of the territories of each of the tribes of Israel. I made it through the laws...it was hard, but I made it. The parts of numbers where everything is numbered and repeated for each tribe...I kind of skipped over about eleven of the accounts. And yesterday, when it was time to divide Canaan among the tribes - I just turned back to the map in my other Bible...one glance told me what several chapters in Joshua tried to tell me.

In addition to reading from the Daily Bible, I also read a chapter in Proverbs - the chapter that corresponds to the day's date. Typically I read the chapter from Proverbs after I read the other.

I say all of that to say that sometimes the Bible just doesn't speak to me for a long period of time. But this morning was different. This morning just took one verse. In fact, I haven't even made it to Joshua's farewell address yet (at least it isn't more land divisions!). This morning I read Proverbs 15 first. Well, not first. Before I got to Proverbs 15, I had a couple of encounters with the kids... one of them grumbling, all of them not answering questions, one lying ... In the midst of trying to sort out the laundry and explaining myself rather bluntly, I was asked, "are you not happy that we're home today?"

Moments later I read Proverbs 15:1. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." One verse was all it took today for the Bible to speak to me. I was guilty of having harsh words and stirring up anger within my own home.

Life as I know it is frustrating sometimes. In my desire for my kids to mature, sometimes I become immature. And that's why I have made it my goal to read the Bible every day...so that I can receive instruction in the moment that I need it, encouragement in the midst of trials, peace in the middle of storms, and wisdom for tomorrow.

Powerful Quotes

I remember the day I was told "With your talents and abilities, you could be a six-figure preacher some day." At the time I was planning on designing top secret airplanes for the military, so I thanked the man who told me that and continued planning my top secret career. And even though I may have dismissed that quote at the time, it lingered in my mind. Twenty-something years later, I'm not a big fan of flying...but I've been preaching for almost ten years now. (And somewhere along the way, I realized that the six-figures included the two figures after the decimal point.)

That quote was a powerful quote in my life. It started me thinking about the future in a different way. It helped me re-imagine my life differently. It led me to the path that I would follow in life.

Recently I had another encounter with a powerful quote. This time it was from my, then, six year old son. It was early on a Sunday morning. I was spending time in quiet trying to be attentive to God. Austin was awake early because he was sick and couldn't sleep. Out of the dark quietness of the family room came this quote: "You know, dad, church is exactly like school - except you have to wear a button-up shirt." My world started spinning. Instantly I knew that what he said was beyond his ability to comprehend. Immediately my mind became focused on the exact words that he had said. And over the past few months, this quote has been etched into my brain is I try to understand the implications of that early morning revelation.

This single statement has been a powerful quote in my life. It has started me thinking about the church in a different way. It is helping me re-imagine church differently. Here's the reason - if what he said is true, then either the church is messed up or the school is messed up. Church and school are supposed to serve two different functions (although aspects of each are shown in the other). Austin's statement was, in essence, "the church has missed what it means to be church and has settled on merely educating people." There is a word for that - it is religion. It's what the Pharisees practiced. It was the modus operandi of the Sadducees. It was what Jesus railed against.

Life as I know it is lived best in a fully functioning church community. Life is intended to be an outpouring of God's teachings. Christianity is intended to be lived not discussed. Jesus is more than an interesting character in a book. But in order to really understand what he calls us to we have to stop merely studying and start doing what he says.

I Can Do It Myself

The moment a man becomes a father is a really strange moment. There are so many emotions, so many thoughts, so many plans. Instantly, our brains become crowded with all sorts of stuff all relating to the future of our child. First and foremost is the thought, “how am I going to afford this kid?” This explains the dazed look of fathers in the hospital maternity wings – sticker shock. Over the next several hours, he will wander around in sticker shock mode as he begins to think of paying for all the things his baby will need – diapers, clothes, a car, college, wedding…
After the sticker shock wears off a little bit, the father begins to accept his new role…and boldly musters up the courage to change a diaper. It is at this very moment that the father begins to long for their child to speak. He isn’t waiting to hear the sweet sound of how his baby calls him “dada.” Standing there with that dirty diaper in his hands he longs to hear one particularly well spoken phrase: I can do it myself.
For the dad, “I can do it myself” is a sign of success. “I can do it myself” is a signal that he is not a failure as a dad. His child has matured to the ability of being able to put on a shirt or button his/her pants or pour a glass of milk. The dad will greet this announcement with a high five or a fist pound. And then he will leave the room, his triumphant fist raised into the air, believing that his child has accomplished independence. In his mind, dad will believe that he will never again have to force a kids head through an impossibly small shirt neck or button a pair of kids pants or pour a glass of milk – after all, his child has declared, “I can do it myself.”
A couple of minutes later, when this same father is down on his knees cleaning up a glass of spilled milk, he will tell his child, “It’s ok…don’t cry…daddy’s not mad…” Kneeling there with that milky towel in his hand, he begins to realize that claiming independence and being able to be independent are two different things. He is reminded that the road to maturity is long and that his child will need him long after they are able to do things on their own. And then, all too often, that man will walk away from that Godly reminder of how much we need to rely on our Father and he will try to live independently.
“I can do it myself.” Childish words become a man’s mantra.

Check this out from Proverbs:
A wise man has great power,
and a man of knowledge increases strength;
for waging war you need guidance,
and for victory many advisers.
(Proverbs 24:5-6 NIV)
You are in a spiritual battle today. Satan wants you to believe that you can do it on your own. You need guidance for today – read the Bible. You need many advisers – others who have your best interest at heart and who will hold you accountable.
Life as I know it is lived best when we learn to listen to God and Godly people around us instead of throwing a temper tantrum and screaming, “I can do it myself!”